I been gone a minute, and for that I apologize. Last year, around the time I stopped uploading, I really kind of lost it. Nothing serious, more of a loss of direction. I had a lot going on and it all came to a head. I broke, couldn’t take it. So, like any tough guy, I walked away.
After that, I went to the woodshed to get back my flow, and I feel that now I have done that. If you’re not familiar with “woodshedding it”, that’s a term blues musicians used back in the day. They’d get in a rut and lose their way, then they’d drop out of society and hide out and play or sing or whatever like a bastard until they found their path or at least had something more to say. This could last a week, a month, a year – as long as it has to.
Then they’d come back to the scene and wow everyone with a new sound, direction or flow.
Don’t know if I have a new direction or anything, but I did find myself in many ways. This post is to catch you up with where I’m at and what my short term creative plans are.
A friend of mine once said my whole career has been woodshedding it. He’s right in a way. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to sort of come into my own as a writer and artist, but that path is now behind me. I blame this and that, but a thing like artistic vision eludes most people for their entire lives. I gotta remember that.
I kinda had to get rid of the idea of glamor and fame because neither have any time for me. My most recent struggle was about no one reading me, like, ever. I had to get it through my head that no one ever will read me, and I had to get good with that. It sucks ass, but what can I do about it? Well, the answer to that is a realization.
This for me was an admission. I had to admit that I will never be famous and I’ll never be paid more than a few bucks here and there for my words. I’m just a guy in an apartment, not meant for great things. I have changed lives on a micro level, but the big leagues have zero time nor tolerance for me. That has to be ok, as ok as it is for me to tell that whole crew to suck my fat ass.
With fame comes responsibility, and with responsibility comes rules, and rules are for sheep. I wanted too badly to be heard, read, viewed, but I never thought of the why. The why is because I feel I have something to say that needs to be heard. But my words challenge conventions, and that’s no longer popular to do. Doesn’t mean the message is any less important though.
These days, it’s not ok to go against the herd. If you’re this or that, be ashamed and hide it or face the wrath of a society that gets less tolerant and more judgmental with every of the Donald’s fucking tweets.
My message is neither racist nor elitist, and it doesn’t follow Christian ethics of shame and guilt. I challenge every convention I see, and that shit doesn’t fly. I would have killed it the 60s or 70s, and maybe I’ll find an audience of anti-sheeple in the future, but for now I’m only going to be heard by like a hundred people of the 7 or 8 billion on this sphere.
As you may have surmised, this kinda irks the shit out of me. Fine, whatever. I’ll get over it.
The important thing is, I’m back with a new inspiration. I’m all about making myself a better person through my art, even if no one sees it. I still need to get these ideas and thoughts out of the confines of my skull, if only for the sake of my own sanity. This is what art is for.
Artists are a fucked up bunch, and the ones who aren’t beautiful or rich (like me!) have only their voice to use.
I’ve kind of found myself through all this internal exploration. And I’m back! Don’t expect daily posts again, that’s a well I’m not going back to. I’ll post when I have a thought or something to say, but I’m not going to implement a schedule at this time. I need to some cashflow, so a lot of my time will be spent on my nearly dead freelancing career. This site will have a space for my published works, and I’m going to redesign it as well in the near future. Some life things, like not having internet at home, are still getting in my way, but I’m continuing to work on that.
Videos are still pretty important to me, even though I haven’t made one in a minute either. I’m going to post them here as well, which is something I have been pretty lax about. As for the rest, stay tuned. If it’s important to my life at all, you’ll hear about it. And I still want to start a newsletter.
And that’s me for today, folks. Stay tuned for more. My new thing is to just create and toss it out into the wild. What humanity does with my content is up to them. Read or don’t, just know in your heart of hearts that I’m overjoyed for every view I get. And I’m no longer going to focus on the 8 billion views I didn’t get.